GPP sells out, Arizona sells clouds, and the future sells itself

In this issue…

_{News News}
The future of the Ground Party Papers
_{Water News}
Arizona’s new “cloud rights”
Water news roundup
_{Builder News}
Opting-out is king in 2025
Changing the rules together

Howdy from the editor

Well, today’s edition is going to be a little different.

Ok — it’s a lot different.

Three reasons why:

One — As many or most of you know, I write about water issues for the Arizona Agenda and Water Agenda newsletters, but our newsroom is taking a Spring Break this week, so you guys get to hear about all the strange water news that’s been percolating in Arizona. Actually, a lot of it is right here in Cochise County.

Two — This past Saturday at the Southwest Alternative Builders Conference, I gave a presentation called “Designing the Rules.” The goal was to illustrate how everyday folks can change government policy, using examples of my own efforts:

• Badgering ADEQ until they accepted 48-gallon septic systems again

• Preventing Bisbee from outlawing shipping containers on private property

• Suing the Arizona Dept. of Water Resources to change AMA rules

• Shifting the direction of Arizona’s rural groundwater policy

• First steps toward making Arizona an owner-builder opt-out state

• And most recently, working with new Cochise County supervisors to make our county even more friendly to alternative builders

I had a great chat with District 2 Supervisor Kathleen Gomez the other day and we’ve got a lot of cool stuff in the works, and I want to get feedback from our local communities about these initiatives.

And you can win a cool hat if you help out! More on that below.

Three — May 5th will be the 1-year anniversary of the Ground Party Papers. But instead of throwing a fun dance/pizza-party at the new GPP headquarters, we’ll be shutting the Papers down — and you’ll never believe why.

I’m selling out to a cabal of corporate elites who want me to retire my efforts with the alternative building revolution in Arizona and with protecting our groundwater supplies for the future generations of homesteaders and farmers.

Who could say “no” to millions of dollars that would allow me to retire early, move to Hawaii, and spend my days fishing, surfing, and making music — my dream!

It’s kind of ironic because, after I started telling people about my lawsuit with ADWR, other people started spreading rumors that there’s no way I could file a lawsuit on my own and that I must be funded by some cabal of corporate globalist billionaires who want the government to control our water.

I’ve never been told directly the exact details of the conspiracy theory, but I used to be really into conspiracy theories in my younger years, and I can more-or-less guess what the narrative is. Once upon a time, I probably would have come up with the same theories!

But truth is stranger than fiction.

Here’s how I sold out…

Arizona is the only state in the West that still doesn’t have basic groundwater protections for local communities. That means corporate agriculture, from California to Minnesota to NYC to Saudi Arabia to China, have been setting up shop in our state and making money off our unprotected groundwater. They’ve invested many billions and they don’t want those investments to run dry ahead of schedule.

The American Farm Bureau Federation is the main lobbying arm of corporate agriculture. The organization was first established in 1919 for this very purpose, and they’ve been at it ever since.

So the Farm Bureau is very active in Arizona making sure groundwater policy reforms are stalled for as long as possible. That’s why some of their people in Cochise County created the anti-AMA “Rural Water Assurance” PAC, and it’s why they support elected officials who are willing to do their dirty work at the Capitol.

Anyway — they’ve been tracking me for a while. The Arizona Farm Bureau president would shoot me nervous looks whenever I was at the Capitol testifying against their bad water bills. And their top brass all subscribe to the Water Agenda newsletter to keep tabs on what I’m reporting.

But I was not expecting to get a phone call from them this past weekend.

“Sorry, there’s no way I can swing that,” I told them.

They wanted me to drive up to Phoenix on Sunday, but I was already late on writing the Ground Party Papers because of the Saturday conference. I have a deadline, I explained. But they told me I’d “probably regret it” if I didn’t meet with them.

Hmm. Fine. I drove up.

We met, myself and three people from the Farm Bureau, two of whom I’d never heard of before. There wasn’t much in the way of friendly introductions — they got straight to it.

“We’d like you to explore a different path in life. And we can give you a nice salary as a ‘part-time consultant.’ All you have to do is check in with us each month — let us know what you’ve been up to — and we send you a paycheck.”

I chuckled. “Uh… that’s interesting. Look — money isn’t really my concern. I blew through my $14,000 in savings in order to work on water issues. That was my startup money to build a home. I’ve given up years that I had wanted to spend working on music and starting a business — the whole reason I moved to Arizona. I’ve been flat broke, in debt, sometimes relying on vegetables and eggs from my friends’ homesteads just to get by. I have a job now, and I hope one day soon I can get back to the life I had planned on — but I wouldn’t have made all those sacrifices if the work I’ve been doing wasn’t deeply meaningful to me. It’s kinda my deal with the universe. I’ll help do right by my local communities, and trust the universe to meet me half way in realizing my dreams for the future.”

They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, not seeming very moved by my speech.

One of the three pulled an envelope from a folder, removed a piece of paper from it and slid it across the table to me.

I pulled it closer.

It was a schedule of regular employment payments for the next 15 years. The first year’s salary was — well, many times more than I’ve ever made. And it kept going up each year.

I laughed. “Really?” I asked.

The man across from me smiled and nodded.

I took a deep breath, leaned back, and stared off into the distance — imagining what the future would be like if I agreed to their offer.

It’s funny how the mind works when tempted by sparkling dollar signs. You start restructuring your beliefs and attitudes.

I could do a lot of good with all this money. I’d have all the time and resources in the world to do whatever I want. Hawaii has major groundwater problems — I could work on issues there instead of here. Besides — haven’t I done enough in Arizona already? Someone else will pick up the torch. It’s fine.

It might be easy to judge me for my decision.

What would you do with millions on the table?

Maybe I’m a fool for taking the money and running.

But it’s a Fools’ Day, after all.

Last-minute bills introduced in the Arizona Legislature

Introduced on behalf of the Silvermud Institute, House Bill 3130 would legally reclassify groundwater as an “unnatural resource,” exempting it from environmental protections and long-term planning frameworks.

Senate Bill 4823 proposes officially renaming Arizona’s annual monsoon season as “Freedom Rains.” The bill’s sponsor, Senator Jake Kaludsky, said the word “monsoon” is “foreign-sounding” and “emotionally heavy.” Supporters argue the rebrand could boost morale and tourism, but others say it will likely get a veto from Governor Hobbs.

ADWR Grants $1.2M to Study Aquifer Sentience
A University of Arizona research team has received funding to investigate whether long-term aquifer depletion might be causing “emergent hydro-emotions.” One researcher described preliminary findings, saying the studied aquifers are expressing “deep thirst and quiet resentment,” reports the Arizona Republic's Maddie Jones.

New Well-Drilling Permits Require “Water Vision Board”
To promote intentional water use, ADWR now asks applicants for new wells to submit a collage or Pinterest board illustrating their water dreams, according to Tucson Sentinel reporter Javier Muñoz.

Elfrida Farmer Claims New Technique “Teaches” Cotton to Drink Less
Leroy Prenks, a farmer near Elfrida, claims he’s reduced water use by “having serious talks” with his crops. There’s no peer-reviewed data yet, but Prenks says that the cotton is now “more introspective,” reports Douglas Dispatch’s Nolan Pierce.

Colorado River Asks for NDAs During Ongoing Negotiations
Multiple sources confirm that legal counsel representing the Colorado River demanded all parties sign a non-disclosure agreement before further discussions. When reached for comment, the river said nothing — it just “flowed away slowly, ominously,” writes Arizona Mirror's Keely Tran.

Breaking: Colorado to buy Arizona's clouds
In a stunning development yesterday, the Arizona Dept. of Water Resources has confirmed a tri-state venture with Colorado and New Mexico that implements a “Cloud Rights” exchange program, allowing Colorado to purchase cloud rights from Arizona landowners and then use cloud-seeding technology to capture atmospheric moisture before it drifts south to Arizona. In exchange for less rainfall, Arizona will avoid reducing their allotment of Colorado River water. Though pitched as a market-friendly innovation in “vertical resource governance,” the plan has raised wide-ranging concerns, with critics warning of sky-hoarding, spiritual violations, and microclimate wars.

Snowbirds Asked to Declare Hydrological Footprint Before Migration
In a bid to more accurately forecast seasonal demand, part-time residents will be required to submit “intent-to-bathe” forms and hydration disclosures before wintering in the state, reports Yuma Sun water desk editor Cliff Mercer.

Sierra Vista Woman Builds World’s First Solar-Powered Margarita Fountain
It’s called “Desert Daiquiris” and it uses four photovoltaic panels, two jail-broken Roombas, and her “nephew’s old hot tub filter,” explains DIY tinkerer Betty Speenks.

Bisbee Teen Catches Rain in 43 Garbage Cans, Declares Himself “Baron of the Storm”
Neighbors thought it was a recycling project. The 16-year-old claims he’s now “technically a water reservoir” and “fully eligible for federal conservation grants.” City water officials say they’re reviewing Randall Baxter’s “hydro-royalty permit,” reports Bisbee Wire contributor Leo Delgado.

Willcox Man Installs "Drought-Friendly" Recycling Shower
Wanting to innovate solutions for local water shortages, Willcox resident Tom-Tom Rodgers installed a homemade system that recycles the same shower water “100 times.” His family shared mixed feelings about the DIY "infinite shower" concept, speaking to Willcox Range News' Dana Kline.

Sedona “Spa” Offers Dry Water Relaxation
Capitalizing on water shortages, a new Sedona business offers "dry water" treatments, where clients are guided by a hypnotist to imagine the sensation of being in water without actually getting wet. Patrons describe it as "surprisingly refreshing" and "only in Sedona," reports Red Rock News writer Shari Yoon.

Mesa High School Implements Waterless Slip 'n Slide for Field Day
With a water-conservation grant from the Arizona Dept. of Education, the school's traditional slip 'n slide was modified to use air blowers and corn flour instead of water. Students reported minor friction burns but championed the school's commitment to saving water, writes East Valley Tribune’s Jacob Lin.

I hope you enjoyed this satirical April Fools edition of the Papers. Of course we’re not really shutting down this newsletter! And the only thing we’re selling out of is cool hats. Sometimes you just have to break up all the seriousness with some silliness.

But now let’s talk about the cool stuff in Cochise County happening this year that you can have a say in.

The first person to answer the four questions below gets to choose between either a rattlesnake hat or a king snake hat.

The fifteenth person to complete the questions will get the other hat. I’ll reach out to the winners to get a shipping address or arrange a drop-off of the prizes.

Myself and local opt-out hero Clay Greathouse recently had a meeting with Supervisor Gomez to talk about implementing some new policies at the county which she’s offered to line up for us.

1. Opt-Out Day and Opt-Out Month

I’ve requested June 6 as Cochise County’s official Opt-Out Day, since it was on June 6 nearly twenty years ago that the opt-out amendment was first enacted.

But should June be Opt-Out Month? If we picked a different month, that’s one more reason to schedule a fun opt-out related event. And June can be hot and rainy anyway.

2. Bring back the original Opt-Out permit

As I explained in a previous edition, the original OBOO amendment didn’t require builders to conform to International Building Code — they were fully exempt. Today, the IBC requirement means much of our alternative building happens in “the shadow of the law”.

Septic and fire code compliance would still be required by state law , but we could reinstate the OBOO permit’s full building code exemption.

3. Create a new opt-out zoning classification

Last month I told the story of an aspiring opt-out builder’s clash with his neighbors over which zoning type he should be rezoned to, SR-174 or RU-4.

Both zoning types allow for opt-out permits, but the neighbors wanted SR-174 because it prohibits mobile homes and manufactured homes. The newcomer wanted RU-4 so he could build his accessory structures before his primary dwelling.

They ended up fighting over the zoning issue, causing a lot of headache for all parties and the county, and breaking down the friendly neighbor relations they had originally established. In the end, county supervisors voted against the RU-4 rezoning and suggested SR-174 instead.

Last week, a nearly identical situation occurred. Neighbors once again wanted a newcomer to adopt SR-174, but the newcomer wanted RU-4 which allows an accessory structure to be larger than the primary dwelling. The supervisors tabled the vote for a later date.

So why not create a new zoning type which solves all these problems?

I’m proposing OB-4 (owner-builder 4 acres), designed specifically for owner-builders of on-site and opt-out homes. No mobile or manufactured homes. Accessory structures can be built first and can be bigger than dwelling units. Simple.

And while we’re at it, maybe we can make this zoning type even more optimized for owner-builders: Allow a number of opt-out accessory dwelling units? Maybe more accessory structures? What else?

I’d like to get input from all of you so that we can get it right the first time. “Measure twice, cut once,” as the saying goes.

4. The Ground Party Papers

If you appreciate the writing and work I do as a community lobbyist, I’ll humbly accept a little financial support.

Thanks for reading!